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**god0fgod** · 05-01-2008, 02:02 PM

What's the difference between Windows 1.0 and Windows Vista?

21 years.

What does an air conditioning system and a PC have in common?

They don't work when you open windows.

In a world without walls or fences who needs Windows or Gates?

Customer: Help me please. I've just got Windows you see.
Tech support: Yes. How can we help you?
Customer: Well I need to know whats wrong with my PC.
Tech support: You've already stated the problem.

Customer: I've got a blue screen saying a file can't be found. What do I do?
Tech support: Interesting but please state your problem.
Customer: That is my problem.
Tech support: Everything seems normal to me.

What a breath of fresh air it would be without Windows.

Trojan downloader - A program that downloads other malicious programs from a remote Internet site and executes it on the local system.

Windows - A program that downloads other malicious programs from a remote Internet site and executes it on the local system.

The one day Microsoft will create something that doesn't suck, is the day they create a vacuum cleaner.

The ones in red were made by me.

**Chathurga** · 05-01-2008, 03:31 PM

When you make fun of Microsoft, everyone laughs and you'll grow a huge e-penis. When you make fun of Apple, expect to be killed.

It just works? Well so does your mother.

**tremianor** · 05-01-2008, 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joke

What does an air conditioning system and a PC have in common?

They don't work when you open windows.

So true.

**Frenchb0ygenius** · 05-01-2008, 04:29 PM

Quote:

The one day Microsoft will create something that doesn't suck, is the day they create a vacuum cleaner.

Not bad.

**Judas** · 05-01-2008, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by god0fgod

Roughtly half were made by me. Hope you enjoyed.

Lies. I've seen all of these jokes before. And most of them are quite a few years old.

**tremianor** · 05-01-2008, 06:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Judas

Lies. I've seen all of these jokes before. And most of them are quite a few years old.

Lies, I tell you !!! lol

**Captain Bodymod** · 05-01-2008, 06:38 PM

Not one made me laugh.

Everyone knows windows has problems, the jokes and bashing on it are old and just boring by now, if you don't like it don't use it simple as that.

**Vanden** · 05-01-2008, 07:15 PM

I got one...

Windows Vista sucks...

O wait that wasn't funny it now become cool to bash vista but not even try it out...

**gmansixfo** · 05-01-2008, 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Knifey-Spoony

I got one...

Windows Vista sucks...

O wait that wasn't funny it now become cool to bash vista but not even try it out...

Yeah, I bet the majority of people talking **** about Vista haven't even attempted to use it...

**tremianor** · 05-01-2008, 08:08 PM

I've used it a lot. It's not sh*t, but I sure do prefer XP over it.

**psppaine** · 05-01-2008, 08:18 PM

What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on their wedding night?

"Now I know why you named your company Microsoft!"

**tremianor** · 05-01-2008, 09:00 PM

Haven't heard that one before.

**Deturbanator** · 05-01-2008, 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gmansixfo

Yeah, I bet the majority of people talking **** about Vista haven't even attempted to use it...

IVE USED IT
and its pretty win no lie, uac is kinda a ***** but not enough to phase me on not liking the os

although you guys are a little harsh, these are just jokes, not meant to be taken literally or seriously, just lol which i did

**BinoPanda** · 05-02-2008, 06:19 AM

my friend told me that the best way to explain vista to a non computer person is to say "think of windows xp. now think of windows xp with the ability to spawn an exponentially growing amount of bloated prostitutes in brightly colored ugly dresses onto your computer screen"

I have used vista, i don't think it's awful. I just think it shoould of been a optional xp service pack, not a whole new OS, especially with Windows 7 coming along soon.

p.s. If the comment was too lude I can delete it.

**Skyline34** · 05-02-2008, 08:03 AM

I've had about 3 laptops and everytime I get a fresh install of vista I have to keep tweaking and removing lots of bloated **** to get it working the way I want, but one thing I'm not going to do is edit the system32 .dll's again... long story... involving PC World...

**god0fgod** · 05-02-2008, 09:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Judas

Lies. I've seen all of these jokes before. And most of them are quite a few years old.

Wrong. Look again.

**AndyMosh** · 05-02-2008, 10:35 AM

I've got one, "Microsoft Delays XP Sp3!"

**Deturbanator** · 05-02-2008, 10:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BinoPanda

my friend told me that the best way to explain vista to a non computer person is to say "think of windows xp. now think of windows xp with the ability to spawn an exponentially growing amount of bloated prostitutes in brightly colored ugly dresses onto your computer screen"

I have used vista, i don't think it's awful. I just think it shoould of been a optional xp service pack, not a whole new OS, especially with Windows 7 coming along soon.

p.s. If the comment was too lude I can delete it.

imo that is way under appreiciating all the new features and abilities of vista, the changes made are def not that of a "service pack" it was def a new os, maybe not the better one for everyone but perfect for many such as myself, but i will not lie, i have some pretty ridiculous specs to meet perfect standards with vista

**tremianor** · 05-02-2008, 11:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deturbanator

imo that is way under appreiciating all the new features and abilities of vista, the changes made are def not that of a "service pack" it was def a new os, maybe not the better one for everyone but perfect for many such as myself, but i will not lie, i have some pretty ridiculous specs to meet perfect standards with vista

That's bullsh*t. Vista does not have virtually any renouning new features that make it worthy of being more than an add-on. When I look at Vista, I see higher system requirements, a nagging admin system, DirectX 10, and a new desktop theme. That's about it.

**Deturbanator** · 05-02-2008, 11:28 PM

well you said a big one there, dx10 which i know isnt new os worthy but def an upgrade that is noticeable... im pretty positive you have not used vista enough to be able to compare it to xp but i have and lets just say that i have vista x64 on my pc and i def dont plan on removing it any time soon

**BigSanFrey** · 05-03-2008, 12:26 AM

In a world without fruit or poor who needs an Apple or Jobs?

**Archaemic** · 05-03-2008, 01:50 AM

Haha! Wait, that wasn't funny. Way too forced. The Microsoft version works a lot better.

And it doesn't work that well in the first place.

Savagefreak · 05-03-2008, 01:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tremianor

That's bullsh*t. Vista does not have virtually any renouning new features that make it worthy of being more than an add-on. When I look at Vista, I see higher system requirements, a nagging admin system, DirectX 10, and a new desktop theme. That's about it.

Then look harder you ignorant prick.

I found this quite funny too:

"It just works."

**BigSanFrey** · 05-03-2008, 02:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Archaemic

Haha! Wait, that wasn't funny. Way too forced. The Microsoft version works a lot better.

And it doesn't work that well in the first place.

it was sarcasm, thus the

**god0fgod** · 05-03-2008, 04:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Savagefreak

Then look harder you ignorant prick.

I don't think that was necessary.

And for all those that think Microsoft put new features into Vista I think the word should be copied.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDNuq94Zg_8

It's a funny watch.

**Chathurga** · 05-03-2008, 05:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by god0fgod

I don't think that was necessary.

And for all those that think Microsoft put new features into Vista I think the word should be copied.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDNuq94Zg_8

It's a funny watch.

Everything is copied by everyone.

OS X has a desktop? Man they ripped that **** from Xerox.

**Siouxsie** · 05-03-2008, 05:54 AM

If you don't think Vista is better than XP, you don't understand what they've changed. It's stayed largely similar on the interface because that's Windows - new features can be downloaded to anything, but the way Vista works down underneath to improve reliability and performance is better than how XP manages it.

But whatever. You need to buy new hardware to run newer software? WOW.

**mohaas05** · 05-03-2008, 07:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Savagefreak

Then look harder you ignorant prick.

I found this quite funny too:

"It just works."

A kernel panic? That's about as funny as a bsod.

**god0fgod** · 05-03-2008, 07:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chathurga

OS X has a desktop? Man they ripped that **** from Xerox.

Why does everyone say that? Everything was paid for and agreed by Xerox. This annoys me. To say Apple is just as bad as Microsoft at ripping off ideas is pathetic.

**Nero** · 05-03-2008, 08:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigSanFrey

In a world without fruit or poor who needs an Apple or Jobs?

dont you mean poverty? that was crappy anyway lol

05-01-2008, 02:02 PM	#1
god0fgod Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: England Posts: 211 Trader Feedback: 0	Windows/Microsoft jokes What's the difference between Windows 1.0 and Windows Vista? 21 years. What does an air conditioning system and a PC have in common? They don't work when you open windows. In a world without walls or fences who needs Windows or Gates? Customer: Help me please. I've just got Windows you see. Tech support: Yes. How can we help you? Customer: Well I need to know whats wrong with my PC. Tech support: You've already stated the problem. Customer: I've got a blue screen saying a file can't be found. What do I do? Tech support: Interesting but please state your problem. Customer: That is my problem. Tech support: Everything seems normal to me. What a breath of fresh air it would be without Windows. Trojan downloader - A program that downloads other malicious programs from a remote Internet site and executes it on the local system. Windows - A program that downloads other malicious programs from a remote Internet site and executes it on the local system. The one day Microsoft will create something that doesn't suck, is the day they create a vacuum cleaner. The ones in red were made by me. Last edited by god0fgod; 05-02-2008 at 09:04 AM..

05-01-2008, 06:38 PM	#7
Captain Bodymod Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Ireland Posts: 9,126 Trader Feedback: 0	Not one made me laugh. Everyone knows windows has problems, the jokes and bashing on it are old and just boring by now, if you don't like it don't use it simple as that. __________________ Interested in Pixel Art? [url]http://pikzil.halfmoon.ws[/url]

05-01-2008, 07:15 PM	#8
Vanden Join Date: Aug 2005 Real First Name: Vanden Location: Vandenland Just Played: Marval 1 Posts: 11,489 Trader Feedback: 0	I got one... Windows Vista sucks... O wait that wasn't funny it now become cool to bash vista but not even try it out... __________________ You know where to find me.

05-01-2008, 08:08 PM	#10
tremianor xTERM1NATORx Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: SF Bay Area, CA Posts: 501 Trader Feedback: 0	I've used it a lot. It's not sh*t, but I sure do prefer XP over it. __________________ [CENTER][FONT=Microsoft Sans Serif][SIZE=3][URL="http://andrew.andyk.googlepages.com/pimpstreamer"]Fight For Net Neutrality![/URL][/SIZE][/FONT] [URL="http://andrew.andyk.googlepages.com/pimpstreamer"][FONT=Georgia][COLOR=DarkOrchid][B][SIZE=3]My PiMPStreamer Tutorial[/SIZE][/B][/COLOR][/FONT][/URL][B][URL="http://pmpvlc.googlepages.com/home"][FONT=Trebuchet MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=DarkOrange]~~M[COLOR=Red]y[/COLOR] P[COLOR=Red]M[/COLOR]P [COLOR=Red]V[/COLOR]L[COLOR=Red]C[/COLOR] T[COLOR=Red]u[/COLOR]t[COLOR=Red]o[/COLOR]r[COLOR=Red]i[/COLOR]a[COLOR=Red]l[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/URL][/B][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=GREEN][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT][FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][FONT=Century Gothic][COLOR=Red]XBL[/COLOR]~[COLOR=DeepSkyBlue]xTERM1NATORx[/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue] PSN[/COLOR]~[COLOR=DarkOrange]treminaor[/COLOR][/FONT] [/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER]

05-01-2008, 09:00 PM	#12
tremianor xTERM1NATORx Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: SF Bay Area, CA Posts: 501 Trader Feedback: 0	Haven't heard that one before. __________________ [CENTER][FONT=Microsoft Sans Serif][SIZE=3][URL="http://andrew.andyk.googlepages.com/pimpstreamer"]Fight For Net Neutrality![/URL][/SIZE][/FONT] [URL="http://andrew.andyk.googlepages.com/pimpstreamer"][FONT=Georgia][COLOR=DarkOrchid][B][SIZE=3]My PiMPStreamer Tutorial[/SIZE][/B][/COLOR][/FONT][/URL][B][URL="http://pmpvlc.googlepages.com/home"][FONT=Trebuchet MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=DarkOrange]~~M[COLOR=Red]y[/COLOR] P[COLOR=Red]M[/COLOR]P [COLOR=Red]V[/COLOR]L[COLOR=Red]C[/COLOR] T[COLOR=Red]u[/COLOR]t[COLOR=Red]o[/COLOR]r[COLOR=Red]i[/COLOR]a[COLOR=Red]l[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/URL][/B][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=GREEN][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT][FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][FONT=Century Gothic][COLOR=Red]XBL[/COLOR]~[COLOR=DeepSkyBlue]xTERM1NATORx[/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue] PSN[/COLOR]~[COLOR=DarkOrange]treminaor[/COLOR][/FONT] [/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER]

05-01-2008, 03:31 PM	#2
Chathurga Enter Custom Title Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Ireland Posts: 2,089 Trader Feedback: 0	When you make fun of Microsoft, everyone laughs and you'll grow a huge e-penis. When you make fun of Apple, expect to be killed. It just works? Well so does your mother.

05-01-2008, 08:18 PM	#11
psppaine Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Fresno, CA Posts: 214 Trader Feedback: 0	What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on their wedding night? "Now I know why you named your company Microsoft!"

05-02-2008, 06:19 AM	#14
BinoPanda Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: cardboard box Posts: 484 Trader Feedback: 0	my friend told me that the best way to explain vista to a non computer person is to say "think of windows xp. now think of windows xp with the ability to spawn an exponentially growing amount of bloated prostitutes in brightly colored ugly dresses onto your computer screen" I have used vista, i don't think it's awful. I just think it shoould of been a optional xp service pack, not a whole new OS, especially with Windows 7 coming along soon. p.s. If the comment was too lude I can delete it.

05-02-2008, 08:03 AM	#15
Skyline34 QJ's Nice-guy :) My Mood: Join Date: Mar 2006 Real First Name: Randy Andy Location: UK Just Played: Nazi Zombies Posts: 4,191 Trader Feedback: 0	I've had about 3 laptops and everytime I get a fresh install of vista I have to keep tweaking and removing lots of bloated **** to get it working the way I want, but one thing I'm not going to do is edit the system32 .dll's again... long story... involving PC World... __________________ On Facebook? JOIN MY MAFIA!

05-02-2008, 10:35 AM	#17
AndyMosh chaccaron. Join Date: Sep 2006 Real First Name: Andrew Location: England Posts: 2,615 Trader Feedback: 0	I've got one, "Microsoft Delays XP Sp3!" __________________ whyHELLOder.

05-02-2008, 11:28 PM	#20
Deturbanator Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: On the border of Los Gatos and San Jose CA Posts: 6,340 Trader Feedback: 0	well you said a big one there, dx10 which i know isnt new os worthy but def an upgrade that is noticeable... im pretty positive you have not used vista enough to be able to compare it to xp but i have and lets just say that i have vista x64 on my pc and i def dont plan on removing it any time soon __________________ [CENTER][size=1][URL=http://forums.qj.net/showthread.php?t=65979]The Ultimate QJ FAQ / Guide[/URL] \| [URL=http://forums.qj.net/showthread.php?t=13798]Posting Guidelines[/URL] \| [URL=http://forums.qj.net/showthread.php?t=16857]What NOT To Post[/URL] \| [URL=http://forums.qj.net/showthread.php?t=37144]How to search[/URL] [COLOR="Silver"] [URL="http://profile.imageshack.us/user/deturbanator/"]My Photoshop Stuff[/URL] [/SIZE][/COLOR][/CENTER]

05-03-2008, 12:26 AM	#21
BigSanFrey My Mood: Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 1,773 Trader Feedback: 0	In a world without fruit or poor who needs an Apple or Jobs? __________________ [B][FONT="Verdana"]WHA!?[/FONT][/B]

05-03-2008, 01:50 AM	#22
Archaemic It's good to be free... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 2,440 Trader Feedback: 0	Haha! Wait, that wasn't funny. Way too forced. The Microsoft version works a lot better. And it doesn't work that well in the first place. __________________ pəʇuɒɹɓ ɹoɟ ɓuɪɥʇou əʞɒʇ

05-03-2008, 05:54 AM	#27
Siouxsie Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: York, UK. Posts: 4,224 Trader Feedback: 0	If you don't think Vista is better than XP, you don't understand what they've changed. It's stayed largely similar on the interface because that's Windows - new features can be downloaded to anything, but the way Vista works down underneath to improve reliability and performance is better than how XP manages it. But whatever. You need to buy new hardware to run newer software? WOW. __________________ -=Images are for Premium members only=-

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Windows/Microsoft jokes