Hey guys, enclosed is a letter I am preparing to send to this girl that I was talking to for about a month or two. We had a rough road...but everything is explained in the text. It is aimed Kelleys (the girl I was talking to) friend Jess, and her as well. It talks about everything that has happened since the beginning.
I need some help....is this good? Bad? Too long? Is the music i selected good? Is it powerful and did it move you? etc. I would appreciate any help and I want to make this letter good, I need to leave things on a good note. Thank You!
Hope and Upset
Jess-I am hoping that this message reaches you sooner or later. Preferably later because I would like time to pass by before you actually read this. I’m sure you know everything that happened between Kelley and I but make no mistake, this is directed at you just as much as it is Kelley. Please read this WITH HER. I never meant to hurt or bother either one of you. If I did, I’m sorry. I’m not writing this to Kelley because I fear she will not look at anything I send. This is not to complain, not to ask for forgiveness, not to get angry, or anything related of the sort. I want to tell you and Kelley some things that you might find interesting about me…things you did not know. Take this message however you want to interpret it.
I met you about a year or two ago. I knew you through Caitlin because she had taken a class with you. At first I thought you were a bit weird but then I realized you were extremely kind, fun to be with, funny, and you actually listened to me and treated me well. I wanted to make a move on you but never had an opportunity to do so. Once you broke up with your boyfriend I made my move. I had a great time with you. I remember the night I picked you up to take you back to my place for some subway and the super bowl. I also remember when we played the Wii together, we made a Mii of you together and you owned me in bowling. But there was one thing I did not like about you that was a key reason as to why I stopped talking to you. I didn’t stop talking to you because of school, work, the way you treated me, or anything of the sort. I stopped talking to you because I got sick of your lies. You never told me any big lie that was really bad or anything, but I just did not want to set myself up to be in that position…a position where it would get unpleasant. I feared that if I kept seeing you…the lies would eventually add up. I thank you for being good to me and for not doing that to me at the time. I stopped talking to you and initially planned on never talking to you again. Even by doing what I did something told me that we would run into one another in the future, and I was right. About three months ago I broke up with my X and I was in need of being with a girl. I did not think that I was ready to get myself involved with a relationship. I gave you a call to see if you wanted to get together. The next day you asked me to come down to the Milford mall to see you and your friend Kelley. After your constant persuasion I was on my way regardless of my appearance. It had been a while and I was curious to see if you had changed. You had grown up and matured as I hope you saw with me. When I saw Kelley step out of the car my eyes lit up in amazement, she was adorable.
Kelley-When I first met you I thought nothing of it because I thought you were much too cute and good for me. I act arrogant but I’m actually far from that. My arrogance is a cover up. I felt no reason to try to get with you because I knew I would fail. Every time I try to make a relationship work, it fails but when I wait for the girl to make up her mind, I succeed. I wanted to tell Jess what I thought about you to see if you thought I was cute or something at least. I said I was going to the bathroom but I just went into the family lounge to tell Jess I thought you were cute. I waited for a txt back praying that you thought the same about me or something like that. When I got that text back my face lit up like a Christmas tree. All of a sudden I didn’t want to hook up with Jess anymore and I didn’t care that we were about to see Sex And The City. I was surprised that you thought I was cute…usually I have to work a lot harder than that because frankly, I don’t think I’m anything special. During Sex And The City I was debating if I should get your number….I wasn’t even watching the movie. I was just thinking to myself, “Now?….ummm now? How about now Garrett? Just do it Garrett! No, after the movie!” I’ll admit, I was nervous. I got your number, and after that we went bowling with Jess. That night you were extremely tired but I thought that I was just boring and you were sick of me. I took the games seriously while you two were just enjoying yourselves. I had a wonderful time. A few days later I asked you for your address so I could come pick you up but you told me that your parents were not home. The next time we hung out it was with Jess although I wanted it be just the two of us. I’m not a big group person when it comes to dates, but I managed. I took you to Kumo and you loved it. I would say that I did a good job for a first date…J After that we went to go play pool and I beat you in a bet and then you owned me the second game we played. You were everything I wanted in a girlfriend. From here we went on to go pick up Jess’ friend and bring him back to his place. Nothing was weirder than you and I having to sit in the front while the two of them talked in back. You and I barely knew one another. It was nice because we both looked at each other and smiled because we both knew we were both extremely uncomfortable and got a kick out of it. As we watched the Celtics and Lakers game I learned that not only did you love to eat nachos and cheese; but you liked sports and actually knew a basketball player other than Michael Jordan. Oh yeah and I guess the fact that you like the NYG and NYY helped a bit too. When we headed into the car you picked “Little Moments” from my ipod….a song that I was going to choose. I freaked out because I thought that maybe you felt the same way about me that I was feeling about you. When the words “I know she’s not perfect but she tries so hard for me, and I thank god that she isn’t cause how boring would that be?” came up I looked at you to sing and you gave me a smile I will never forget. You have the cutest smile ever, did you know that? That night driving home I was so happy. I played Vertical Horizon and Brad Paisley throughout most of my ride back home. We had made plans to see each other a few days later…but then I got another excuse.
The next time we saw one another we did so much. We went to that other sushi place, bowling, Wii bowling, mini golf, and we began to watch Across the Universe. It was a poorly planned night but we still had a great time. A few days went by and we planned to meet each other at the mall. I thought it was going to be us alone but Jess and her BF came too. In the mall we ran into your father and I was not introduced. We left the mall and I thought it was extremely awkward that I did not meet him. I could understand not meeting him and being introduced as “the guy” but….as a friend? What’s wrong with that? It got me thinking more and more about when I was with Jess. We went back to Jess’ house where she had to clean her house while you and I watched TV in her room. You seemed more interested in watching TV than actually paying attention to me. I did not see this as a big deal….you looked exhausted and after all you are anemic. I tried to get closer to you but could tell from here that I was going to have to take things slow, you looked nervous. I was willing to wait for you. I was too happy to put myself into a position where I would lose you. I put so much time into something that wasn’t concrete. I tend to get attached easily while you, are the direct opposite. After Jess was done cleaning she told us that Danny found out about that other guy. We headed to Mcdonalds where we had our fastest meal together, I somehow managed to get you a large fry, ;-) and we headed out to Jess’s grandparents. The canoe ride was probably the best day I’ve ever had with you. We go to know each other a lot, had some great camera moments, and had a lot of laughs in the boat. Whether it was you and the crabs, me practically falling over, me lifting the boat all by myself, us trying to figure out how to paddle properly, or having to wipe off the bugs for you…it was really fun.
Jess-Regarding Danny and him meeting you there: Kelley and I sympathized with your situation and wanted to help, but we both felt that it was something you would be able to handle on your own...while we both wanted to be supportive, trying to help you only wasted the small bit of time that Kelley and I had together...we were doing what we figured you needed, so we stuck with it no matter how unnecessary it might have been. Kelley and I needed some problem free time together, so I guess in a way, it was good that Kelley didn’t feel well and we separated and headed back.
Kelley-The next day I gave you a call during the day to see about the plans we had made about the EH fireworks. You did not come down to EH and you did not call me until around 10pm that night apologizing and giving me yet another excuse. You made me look like a loser in front of my family but I STILL HEARD YOU OUT and listened to what you said. A part of me believed what you were saying…but the other part of me….not the slightest. I did not know what to believe from you and I was losing my mind. Hearing what you were telling me made me feel like I was being lied to by Jess. You truly broke the trust I had for you that night…but I forced myself to give you another shot because I thought you’d change. Next time we decided that I‘d see you most of the day this time instead of at night. Unfortunately, that was not the case. You told me that you had to baby sit with a friend for a while to help her out and that you would give me a call when you were all set. I waited around all day again and you didn’t contact me till around 11 o’ clock. I was beginning to get aggravated at the fact that you “liked me” but you showed no interest what so ever in seeing me. Not only were you giving me excuses…but they were beginning to tie together. Hiking all day VS Riverside all day, Babysitting and calling me later VS A party for a while and then call you later, First hangout with Jess VS The mall group hangout. Everything that you were throwing me….was connected and seemed too planned out. That’s why I was getting so upset and angry. I was at work that night that you had babysat and we managed to see each other at the end of the night in WH. When we got together I think you were afraid that I was going to scream at you. I was past the point of being pissed off. You were basically breaking my heart by blowing me off all the time. I told you that I just wanted you to show that you cared and stop making excuses. I thought it was a small thing to ask for someone who had put so much effort into being with you. Maybe I was pushing you a little hard….I don’t know…I never knew what to believe or think from you Kelley. You never told me anything. I put a good 90% of our total collaborative effort into what we had. We WERE NOT together…but if you wanted to be with me…you would have made seeing me more of a priority. http://youtube.com/watch?v=rUBd6H9pJSU
Jess-IF Kelley was with someone why didn’t you tell me? If she was too nervous or afraid to why couldn’t you? I know its not any of your business to intrude but I would have appreciated it. But you didn‘t seem to care about what I felt. Why all of a sudden are you so distant now that I was talking to your friend? When I first saw you again you were more than excited to see me. I’m sorry if it came off as a jerky thing to do…..hookup with your friend. She meant so much to me and I would think that someone who I dated and was (am?) friends with would not set me up for something that would not work. I thought we were friends. You offered me your own dog for god sakes.
Kelley-I thought things were going to get better because that smile returned to your face as we left WH. I was happy that we had talked and things were for the first time ever, looking up. We setup another get together in Milford. You told me that you had another party at 4 but would only stay for a couple of hours. I waited around until eight and then decided to go by myself. Getting drunk was obviously more important than spending time with me. I decided to do a bit of the same….but with…myself. I could not find Bret in the crowd of people there so I grabbed my Ipod and sat alone on the rocks at the beach and began to drink. You ditched me for the last time….well, that’s what I thought at least. Now, I was just a miserable mess and didn’t give a **** about anything. I got so drunk that when I eventually found Bret he had to drive me home. The best part of the night was the ride back because I finally got to spend some real time with my friend since he had been back. I had devoted so much time and effort into you that I had forgotten that I had not spent enough time with him. Maybe you did not care about me, but I cared about you. You know, I work a good 35 hours a week, am constantly exhausted and stressing out but I managed to fit you into my life. If I could fit you into my life, you could do it as well. If you cared about me you would have MADE TIME for me. The next day I wrote you a FB message explaining how I felt. You wrote me back but still with some fishy stuff at the end. Regardless though, most of your message looked legitimate. The next time I saw you you made a trip down to my house to see me and you apologized. I then kept rubbing in the fact that what you had done was wrong and did not stop for some time. I’m sorry for doing that, it was uncalled for. I told you that I was off to Florida to go to my cousins wedding. While in Florida we kept in fairly good contact and things were nice. You asked me one day how everything was going which was nice to see and I sent you a High School Musical parade picture back because I thought you‘d get a kick out of that. This is where it started….or should I say….ended? http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZmZdpkh14_Q
You did not contact me for two days after that. After I called you a number of times consistently you knew that I had found out what had been going on or what went on. Either way though, I was ****ing pissed off…and I had good reason to be. Regardless of if we were going out or not you Do Not Do That To Someone….its just…wrong. I did not ****ing deserve this bull****. Seriously, just imagine yourself in my position for a second. What would you do? What would you think of me? I know you know it was wrong too…because to this day you never said that you did it, admitted it, and you have never told me why you did it. Maybe you were afraid to tell me because you didn’t want to hurt my feelings or have me get angry but, what exactly did you have in mind? After a good day or two I was getting so aggravated that I was beginning to get angry. No girl had ever hurt me as deep as you did. Now, I wanted to let you feel exactly what I had gone through. I was not just going to sit back and let you run all over me, I’m not stupid. I’m not going to let some girl just drop me and let me go without getting some answers. http://youtube.com/watch?v=hrK4PaYju7k I drove to your house and told you to get out of your house because I was there. Do you remember this? “I’m scared Kelley and I‘m sorry about all this but I have to talk to you.” I didn’t want to do what I was doing…I had no intention of hurting you or doing anything scary but I just….couldn’t control myself. I was so ****ing upset and so surprised at what you had done. Even after all of the bull**** you fed me, I still saw good in you and knew that deep down inside….you always meant well. I come off too strong sometimes and I hate it. I’m not crazy or anything….just too obsessive sometimes. You just never really gave me a time where I could be happy and relaxed. I was sitting in my car with the door open on that hot day staring down at my phone; crying, and watching the sweat from my face fall onto my phone as I read your messages. The heat didn’t even phase me…it didn‘t matter. I wanted you to see me so you could understand just how badly you hurt me. I also wanted to know why you did what you did and I wanted to hear from your own mouth that you did that. I really wanted to be with you….thought we had a lot in common. As I drove away from your house I pulled into the Sunoco gas station and stopped. I looked at myself in the mirror and asked myself, “What have I done?” I had no right to do that and you did not deserve what I was doing regardless of how poorly I was treated by you. I was scared ****less because I had never done anything like that. Every single moment that I was with you…was fantastic. Every single moment that I wasn’t with you….was a disaster. I miss the times I had with you even though they are few. http://youtube.com/watch?v=3ZuJIr_uW3M I’m sure you don’t care about me anymore and I’m sure you’re scared of me. I’m sorry for being too pushy, I’m sorry for scaring you and freaking you out, and I’m sorry that things did not work out. If you remember I said that every girl I ever try to get with….I fail…..well, I tried for you and regardless of how different I thought you were….I still failed. If it was going to work, it would have. I set myself up for another failure. This ****ing sucks. I think you didn’t want to hurt me….I don’t know anymore and something tells me that you won’t respond to this. Maybe its for the better though? I don’t know.
What makes me smile though is there is at least one thing I am sure of from you. You did like me. You know how I know? You threatened to call the cops on me and you said “Thanks, now I have that in writing for when I go to the cops.” but…..they never came. If you didn’t care about me….they would have shown up in a matter of minutes…but you didn‘t call. At least you showed me you cared about me at least once. Thank You.
I was good to you and did so much for you. I know me going to your house unannounced can never be forgiven but if I could I‘d make it up to you. I acknowledge and am aware of the fact that not everything was your fault….I made some horrible decisions myself as well. Please, I just want to know what happened. It’s been extremely difficult for me to move on. Maybe I’m insane for writing this to you but I think you needed to see this. It has taken a while for me to put this together and has helped pass the time and think back on all the good that has happened…..and remember…and all that bad that has happened…and forget. I ****ed up big for you…and you ****ed up big for me. If you don’t want to see me anymore, I can respect that.
Jess-I am sure you do not want to talk to me anymore as well….and I will miss you too. Thanks for not ever ****ing with my life and respecting me. Please; take care of Kelley for me, and yourself as well. I wish you both the best.
-Garrett Michael DeCrosta