I've been told this by a few people this week since I was dumped on monday. She said she wants to stay friends, but I havent even heard from her all week. All I've wanted to do is contact her but the general concensus is that if I give her all the space in the world and don't break the silence that she will contact me when she's ready. I told one of my friends straight away and the first thing he did was call her to make sure she's okay. The thing is that she didn't know these people before we were a couple and now there as much her friends as mine. So we're going to cross paths eventually.Originally Posted by hyakku
I think the thing that hurts the most is that I don't think she wanted to make it work. We had a break 4 weeks back because she wasn't sure how she felt about me. After this break (1 week) she decided that we can make it work and that she did still love me. Then I went on Holiday for a week, I came back and it was great for a week, back to how it was when we first started going out (the so-called honeymoon period). The next week however it was like she didn't want to know me instead of inviting me round for dinner, or asking me to pick her up from work/college, or even calling me on her lunch break. She was just in effect ignoring me and pushing me away. I'd try calling her at lunch to find out what she wanted to do in the evening to get no answer. She would then eventually call me after she had eaten, so i then had to arrange my own food and eat alone, and 9 times out of 10 she was too tired from work or college to do anything (including seeing me). Then the final straw came on Saturday, I had already arranged to meet her at work for her lunch break, i get there and she gets out 10 minutes late (fine nothing can be done about that). The first thing she says is "i've only got 20 minutes" (from an hour lunch break). So I say "why you're meant to have an hour?" and she says "i'm meating Sophie at half past". Usually this wouldn't bother me that she wants to see her friends but the fact was that this friend worked at the same place as her and she works with her all day long.
After getting the cold shoulder all week, i decided in my mind at least that enough is enough and we needed to talk. So another day passed and i couldn't get her to commit to talking to me. Then monday I made my move went round her house and tried to talk. Before I even had a chance to open my mouth she says "I don't think we should be a couple anymore". AAAARRGHHH she had been purposefully trying to piss me off so that when she dumped this on me it didn't hurt as much, whereas in actual fact I would've prefered her to tell me after the break that she didn't really want to make it work, at least that way i would've been pissed off instead of hurt.
I want to talk to her now to find out whether she did want to make it work, if not why, and why everything changed so suddenly. The only thing stopping me is that I don't want to push her further away by being too clingy and needy, which I think may have contributed to her wanting out of the relationship in the first place.
Reasons I think she wanted to end it:
1. I was too needy/clingy (wussy as you called it before)
2. I was too intense when i was with her (always wanted to do s**ual things that she didn't)
3. I got horrendously jealous when she talked about boys that she meets. (She's very attractive. I would post a picture but I can't look at them without bursting into tears.
4. There was a huge change of circumstances for her (she changed from school to college, and passed her driving test)
5. She fealt it was getting too serious and got scared. (she's 3 years younger than me, im 20 and shes 17)
6. I personally fealt that she is a commitment phobe
7. We are both very stubborn people, which causes arguments to get blown out of proportion and happen frequently.
Reasons she told me for ending it:
1. She doesn't want to be in a relationship at the moment
2. She said that we've grown apart
Reasons I hate her for ending it:
1. She started it in the first place. I was never interested in her when I first met her. I thought she was attractive but far too young. But we started spending time together (as friends) and after a few months she asked me out.
2. I don't think she wanted to try and make it work
Reasons I still love her and want her back:
1. She is my first love. The one I will never forget.
2. She was (i'm rather ashamed to admit this) my first time (and I was hers). I was very nearly a 20 year old virgin! See kids Video games don't make you attractive to the opposite sex
3. I've given so much time, effort and money to this relationship. We only went out for a just over a year, but thats plenty of time to fall deeply in love.
I never thought I could be this open to a (very large) group of strangers that I've never met.
hyakku what do you think I should do? Should I leave her alone and wait for her to contact? or should I push and fight to win her back? or should i cut my losses and move on, accepting that she only wants to be friends?