Zitat von fool
Soooo today I wrote a story;
It all started when our predictably heroic protagonist, PSPunk, woke up in a fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling exceedingly exasperated, PSPunk backhanded a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Just as zero people expected he realized that his beloved a life was missing! Immediately he called his so-called best friend, Emo Music. PSPunk had known Emo Music for (plus or minus) 61 years, the majority of which were striking ones. Emo Music was unique. He was charismatic though sometimes a little... selfish. PSPunk called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Emo Music picked up to a very mad PSPunk. Emo Music calmly assured him that most man-eating capybaras grimace before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually wildly panic *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting PSPunk. Why was Emo Music trying to distract PSPunk? Because he had snuck out from PSPunk's with the a life only four days prior. It was a flamboyant little a life... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before PSPunk got back to the subject at hand: his a life. Emo Music yawned. Relunctantly, Emo Music invited him over, assuring him they'd find the a life. PSPunk grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Emo Music realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the a life and he had to do it aimlessly. He figured that if PSPunk took the wannabe go-fast Civic, he had take at least seven minutes before PSPunk would get there. But if he took the giant douche bag? Then Emo Music would be really screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Emo Music was interrupted by eleven abrasive ChiWAHWAHs that were lured by his a life. Emo Music yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling angered, he thoughtfully reached for his live hand grenade and aptly hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the giant douche bag rolling up. It was PSPunk.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Jim's House of Wings to pick up a 12-pack of ninja stars, so he knew he was running late. With a apt leap, PSPunk was out of the giant douche bag and went sassily jaunting toward Emo Music's front door. Meanwhile inside, Emo Music was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the a life into a box of ripened avocados and then slid the box behind his canoe. Emo Music was pleased but at least the a life was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Emo Music flamboyantly purred. With a skillful push, PSPunk opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted rationality-deprived retard in a wannabe go-fast Civic,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Emo Music assured him. PSPunk took a seat vaguely close to where Emo Music had hidden the a life. Emo Music yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But PSPunk was distracted. A few unsatisfying minutes later, Emo Music noticed a oafish look on PSPunk's face. PSPunk slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Emo Music felt a stabbing pain in his armpit when PSPunk asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the a life right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A selfish look started to form on PSPunk's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's carrots from when she used to have pet legless puppies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. PSPunk nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Emo Music could react, PSPunk recklessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The a life was plainly in view.
PSPunk stared at Emo Music for what what must've been two millseconds. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Emo Music groped earnestly in PSPunk's direction, clearly desperate. PSPunk grabbed the a life and bolted for the door. It was locked. Emo Music let out a striking chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, PSPunk,' he rebuked. Emo Music always had been a little oafish, so PSPunk knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Emo Music did something crazy, like... start chucking ripened avocados at him or something. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, he gripped his a life tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Emo Music looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from PSPunk. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame ten days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for PSPunk. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Emo Music walked over to the window and looked down. PSPunk was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, PSPunk was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Emo Music's place. PSPunk had severely hurt his fingernail during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral ChiWAHWAHs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the a life. One by one they latched on to PSPunk. Already weakened from his injury, PSPunk yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of ChiWAHWAHs running off with his a life.
About ten hours later, PSPunk awoke, his double chin throbbing. It was dark and PSPunk did not know where he was. Deep in the hazy foxy forest, PSPunk was barely lost. A few unfulfilled decades later, he remembered that his a life was taken by the ChiWAHWAHs. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a misshapen ChiWAHWAH emerged from the fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the alpha ChiWAHWAH. PSPunk opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the ChiWAHWAH sunk its teeth into PSPunk's ear. With a faint groan, the life escaped from PSPunk's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than eleven miles away, Emo Music was entombed by anguish over the loss of the a life. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened carrot. With a heroic thrust, he buried it deeply into his fingernail. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about PSPunk... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the a life that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant ChiWAHWAHs, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
