*points at ninjax1*Zitat:
Zitat von Ninjax1
Printable View
*points at ninjax1*Zitat:
Zitat von Ninjax1
No. Its called the VIP section.
:ROFL: so trueZitat:
Zitat von twelve
:ROFL::ROFL:Zitat:
Zitat von Dark_Merlin
even more true :ROFL:Zitat:
Zitat von Macca
I <3 ebaums worldZitat:
Q. What do you call it when someone farts in a gay bar?
A. A love call.
Q. How do you give a blind queer a thrill?
A. Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Q. How do lesbians handle their liquor?
A. By the ears. (Lick her)
Q. What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common?
A. No ball room
Q. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
A. Doughnuts.
Q. What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room
together?
A. 100 people who don't do ****.
Q. What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the
factory?
A. Two test tickles
Q. Why did God create alcohol?
A. So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.
Q. What's the speed limit of sex?
A. 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
Q. What's the ultimate rejection?
A. When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Haha more jokes
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a
human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
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A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while
they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl
replied, "They will in a minute."
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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her
five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
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One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and
make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
-----------------------------------------
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say,'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
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A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary
position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."
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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary
school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the
apples.
I GOT IT!!! Its called the 300k forums.
Hey madsoul you got your points back!
;)
even more points ;)Zitat:
Zitat von SeanyP
*steals points*Zitat:
Zitat von MaDSouL
heheheZitat:
A man, called to an audit by the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. 'Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper.'
Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. 'Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.'
Confused, the man went to his buddy, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. 'Let me tell you a story,'
Replied the buddy.
'A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel.'
The man protested: 'What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?'
The buddy responded: "'No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed"
Haha this is titled "The Coffee Machine"
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing
at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her
that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her
complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states
that she wants to write a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and
asks," What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you
your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."
Best joke ever
Also there's a jokes thread here:http://forums.qj.net/f-general-off-t...kes-58104.htmlZitat:
Zitat von twelve
It was a hint, please! :DZitat:
Zitat von MaDSouL
Did I ever tell you I love you?
Banking for guys and gals -
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on it.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
Haha lolZitat:
A Welsh man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After
several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and
phones a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial
insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means
but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will
know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop
standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are
pregnant.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that
artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself. So,
he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has
sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all
still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, so he
loads them in the Land Rover again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs
each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, goes to bed exhausted.
Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round. "Try
again" he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out
to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home,
falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look but of
the window. He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying
in the grass.
"No," she says, "they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping
the horn."
lmao thnx twelve i need a great laugh like thatZitat:
Originally Posted by twelve
So, this guy walks into a bar and orders a coke. The bartender looks at him quizzically and says "A coke? Are you sure you wouldn't rather have a beer?"
So the guy says, "No, I think I would rather have a coke, thanks"
Bartender: "Look around you. This is a bar. Everyone is drinking beer. Don't you think a beer would be better? It would make you feel really good."
Guy: "Look, I was in here last week and I had a beer. I had a few beers as a matter of fact. Maybe too many, because I went home, blew chunks, and passed out."
Bartender: "Oh yea, well that's nothing new. That happens to everybody."
Guy: "I don't think so. Chunks is my dog."
HAHA! good one merlin :D
im bored...
find out what that is in your sig
brb dinner
its mercury koolio!
only the best from me. if a joke doesn't make coke (a-cola) shoot out my nose then its not worth bothering with.Zitat:
Zitat von Koolio
man i wish i had some coke (a-cola) id be one cloud 99 1/2
A guy stops to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down. His friend says, "My feet are cold. Would you get me my sneakers for me?"
The guy goes upstairs, and there are his friend's two gorgeous daughters.
He says, "Hi, girls. Your dad sent me up here to **** you."
The first daughter says, "That's not true."
He says, "I'll prove it."
He yells down the stairs, "Both of them?"
His friend yells back, "Of course, both of them."
HAHA! brilliantZitat:
Zitat von twelve
lmao keep them coming man
trashcat is not amused.